Question Everything??

Oh! What a web we weave,

First we harness, then we decieve.

Everything around is a question mark; in big bold mark. it disappears for a moment, but sneaks up on you when you least expect it. It's not fair. This whole boredom shit leads you to question the most unnecessary (or necessary) things in life. You tend to see friends as enemies and enemies as friends. This is turn confuses both the categories and most importantly YOU.
But there is as they say, no matter how cliche it sounds, a light at the end of the long, winding, dark tunnel. For me the light is my grandma. I'm as I may say, running to her house to escape from this. You may say I am a coward. But I'm just to bored and scared to care. I love her and she loves me. Its Unconditional love. Period. You all can go to hell for all I care.
Adios

You've Worn Me Down

Maybe I'm being too demanding,wanting to know what's happening in the life of my friend. i don't want to know all the things, but I surely would think that I have some rights as a friend to demand to know what the problem is if there is one. when asked, the reply is "You wouldn't understand". then f-ing make me understand, I'm more than willing to spend an entire day with you to know and understand what you are going through. But if you only refuse to tell me then what am I supposed to do.
Yes it does hurt when you confide in someone else, but it in a bigger picture it doesn't matter because the my priority is that you find the solution to your problem. You probably cannot tell me that particular problem because you feel I might not respond the way you want or just... see I don't know what to do now as well since I don't know what the problem is. There is something off, I can't put my finger on it, but you certainly worn me down. trust me, I m not saying all this I want to be like golden boy or DQ ( i.e them wanting attention et all). I'm just worried about you lately, and instead of you letting me help you, you just let grow this gigantasoraus size of a wall, and have completely blocked me. No problem, because I think you yourself have no idea what the problem is and haven't as yet identified it as we have. Or maybe, according to you there is no problem as such. You find nothing wrong in what you do. Accepted, but then I'm very sure that there are certain limitations and restrictions which one needs to follow. YOur entire world that you know off cannot all be wrng now can it?. And I know you don't care what the world thinks. Wake up and smell the coffee, you have to care atleast 3% of the world thinks about you. It doesn't work any other way. You are not someone special.
So maybe when you finally realise it ( the sooner the better) we are here. But I'm not going to come to you and ask you what the problem is anymore. I will not even bring up the issuse. Matter of fact, according to me it never occured and you can very well do what the hell you want to do. And if you feel like it, then keep me informed. And please I beg of you do not give me feeble excuses such as " I boarded the Kurla train by mistake". That was the lowest of the low. If you do not want to state the reason very well fine. Just say " I can't tell you" . Finished. Because I will understand that you some doubts over it or me and so...I won't give it second thoughts.
This is the last advice or talk I'm going to give you over this topic. You are playing with the real emotions of two people over here. One is a friend, the other I don't know, but I do feel sad for him as well.( I'm not kidding). If as you say " There is nothing going on between either of us", well stop giving them even the smallest of hints that something will happen in near future. And if you again are going to respond to this with your trademark answer "You won't understand", then help me understand, because that is what I'm here for. And if you feel "No, I can't because you won't understand" then, may God be with.

Until the next crisis

floating high above the world in my bubble
i look around and see my kind.
trapped in the maze of peer pressure alike
forcing ourselves to like our dislikes.


Life, it isn't supposed to be this hard.


saying the words they want to hear
seeing the things we want to see
hearing only what we want to hear.

then you'll come along
a sent arrow knowing full well
its aim and target.
one hears this voice
"hello!!!"


the prick has made its presence felt.


you say the words you want to say
see the things you don't want to see
hear the things you know you don't want to listen


I thank you for being there my friends.
until the next crisis

I love you guys

P.S. there no pic of navjot(f) so i' m mentioning you.

Navjot

Into Dust

I was at my friends house, and all of us(there were 6 of us including me) were just sitting around and hanging out as we tend to do when we are with friends.I... I don't know what happened but it hit me like a lightning bolt from out of the blue. there i was, solving the Mid-day crossword( I love it!!!) when I felt out of place. Physicaly yes because I wasn't in Bombay anymore but, mentally I felt lost. Just imagine, a room full of your friends, there's food, music's playing aand suddenly you can't help but realise the fact that " I don't belong here". Feeling alone with your friends. It pulls at your heart and completely strains your mind, which makes you mind f-ed for about a day or two and you want to just go away because can't bear that feeling anymore. And then you start to wonder, "Is it me?" or "Is it them?". You don't want to know the answer anyways.

MAybe it was a bad phase that I was going through. It would eventually go away.

I saw my bond completely scatter and turn into dust right in front of me. It scared the shit out of me. So, I just picked up my bag, spoke to them over the phone ( they had gonne out to get stuff) tell them bye and then I left, to actually feel lost and alone among hordes of strangers that I meet everywhere I go. The feeling was just the same. Nothing new.
The most striking part about this entire incident, I didn't feel an ounce of guilt doing what I did to them. Shame on me.

Save Me

I felt I was drowning in the vast and deep ocean of my thoughts which were God alone knows connected to what and to whom.Considering the previous entry which mentioned the problem of over thinking, I felt pretty stupid, so like I had suggested, I stopped thinking and well... it worked. And now i thought it would be nice if i shared this wonderful song with whoever is actually reading this tripe, but its a good song, strikes a chord within you. Its by Jem and called "save Me"


Save me save me save me wooh
I've gotta stop my mind
Working overtime
It's driving me insane
It will not let me live
Always so negative
It's become my enemy
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
save me ah wooh
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
save me ah wooh
Why would I think such things
Crazy thoughts have quick wings
Gaining momentum fast
One minute I am fine
The next I've lost my mind
To a fake fantasy
And none of these thoughts are real
So why is it that I feel
So cut up and so bad
I need to take control
Coz my mind is on a roll
And it isn't listening to me
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
save me ah wooh[thinking and thinking]
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
save me ah wooh[thinking and thinking]
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the dumbest of them all
Insecurities keep growing
Wasted energies are flowing
Anger, pain and sadness beckon
Panic sets in in a second
Be aware it's just your mind
And you can stop it anytime
Save me ah ah save me ah ahsave me ah wooh[thinking and thinking]
Save me ah ah save me ah ahsave me ah wooh[thinking and thinking]
Ok so here we go
If it works I'll let you know
One two three I say stop

From the Town of Boredom - Population:1

"I'm the fortune's fool"

I'm mind f-ed since yesterday for reasons unknown to me. Nothing Tragic actually happened, wasn't denied anything mind numbingly important which would have shook the very foundations ( which are very weak now a days) of my bleak present life. Then why was I getting mind fucked? All things bright and beautiful were being sucked into a black hole, and all i could do was just stand and stare at what was transpiring.
When you are bored, ( being mind fucked, eventually sooner or later leads the "chosen one" to the wonderful town of boredom) everything loses its appeal, the magic as we grudgingly accept is gone.
Eg. the tiles in my bathroom are very colourful. Now when I'm happy i see the glow of yellow, the vividness of the colour red clashing with the clamness of blue but agreeing with the soothing effect of the green. Now, when i m mind f-ed i just stare at it, acquicesed to its existence in my life.

P.S. Anyone and Everyone is welcome to the town of boredom. there is no permission or visa stamp required.

Just a Ride ??? ?????

Our lives are a lot like the lift rides we take. Just as the Great Jagger says “you can’t always get what you want” in life. You never somehow always get your desired lift, the one which is relatively empty, with just enough people but, still plenty of breathing space and you go directly to your desired floor.

Alas!!! If it were only so easy.

Life like I have said before is very similar to a lift ride. You have your ups and downs ( pun unintended) , unscheduled and often surprising or usually aggravating stops which make you question the entire f-ing life cycle, the occasional recreational halts( I breathe a sigh of release at these stops, and thank the lord and karma for them). But the worst stop occurs when, you are stuck in the rut, the buzz in your life is gone (as in case of the lift, the electricity is gone). If you have noticed, this stop loves you a lot when you are above the age of 18 and there suddenly a lot more floors you can go to.

Whatever be the case, we are always waiting in the lobby of the world, in our given time, hoping against hope for that arrow to be shown in our favour.

Astrologers and palmists are of the opinion that the palms of our hands with those crooked or straight lines are very symbolic. (Go figure). The left one indicates the stuff (destiny or fate, I don’t know the difference. The dictionary just confused me) that we were born to fulfill and the right one the indicates our karma.

Now, I may not guarantee the complete fulfillment of destiny or fate (I need to know the difference), but I can assure you one thing, earning karma is not that difficult. Once you start believing in it, and understanding it, it becomes very easy. Life somehow seems a bit brighter, everything seems a bit brighter. It works both ways and it rocks. Trust, karma works when and where everything else fails.

Think About It

Think About It 1^st of November 2006

It’s about 12.45 am in the morning. Sleep seems to evade me as I lay in my bed, my head resting on the pillow at a very awkward and a rather painful position (because I’d put cream in ears) which is putting a strain on my neck.( I think this is where the term, ‘ a pain in the neck’ originated from. The author too must be in this position to say something like this). My mind surprisingly is keen on wandering into the “gosh where did this come from” category of thoughts. So… like I am, I let it. Can’t sleep might as well have some form of entertainment right!!

Staring at the ceiling, by the glow of the stars I had stuck on it, I see the mundane vision of my current bleak present. I wished or rather thought that how good would it feel if the ceiling collapsed and smashed my head into smithereens. (I know dark morbid thoughts, but just go with the flow please)

Then it suddenly struck me, why should I be thinking of such thoughts. Life was pretty pleasant; vacations going on, high in studies and college life, friends are still there? Then why was I thinking of thoughts of such painful ilk.

Why do we keep on putting ourselves in such aggravating and mind f-ing positions which definitely and always test out levels of patience (that too not kindly enough). Please don’t tell me it helps in building character, I know it does but there has to be some other way, much better than what we make ourselves go through.

Why??? Why do we think so much? Why have we stopped listening to our hearts or even stopped acting on our instincts. Do you even remember the last time you listened to your intuition?

We waste so much precious time thinking over minute irrelevant problems which don’t even affect us that much and even more time over the complex ones which we wish would just disappear.( like those witches do, their problems just disappear in a puff of smoke. Damn I should have been a witch). We think about FOOD (that’s justifiable, its food), friends, love, death, taxes…. The list just goes on and on and on.

After deep pondering, delving into the deep recess of the human mind where no man has gone before (I always wanted to say that), I’ll tell you why we think so much; because when we stop thinking for just a moment and just go with the flow, with no seconds thoughts and do that one act totally on instinct or because we want to do it, it feels so good.

Society Demands & We Accept

Society Demands & We Accept 25^th October 2006

I write about it with deep contempt in my mind and heart. My immense dislike for it stems from the various events which I have been fortunate or unfortunate to witness in its name. Maybe in the years gone by it was innocent, true even pure and often associated with bliss or say even craziness and madness of the first order.

Now it seems to me, it is commercialized, an opportunity for obtaining revenge or experiencing for the sake of it, deflowering it of its true pure meaning, or because society demands it and we accept it.

I have no trust or faith in it. But someone told me during those rare moments of emotional breakdowns (during exams especially). She said, “I’m not worried for you nor should you be. For, in the near future (??) you will fall and start to believe in it when you are ready for it. I just know it”.

When that day arrives, I will look towards HIM and say or rather sarcastically ask one of the following phrases

• Why???!!!
• You have got to be kidding me!!!
• You, karma and the various constituents of the universe are conspiring against me!!!

There could also be other relevant and perhaps witty and sarcastic comments to be said, but I wouldn’t know because my mind or rather my brain at that point (being in love and all that) would be royally and definitely muddled up and confused beyond recognition.

“Love will come its just waiting for me and for you”.

Scary isn’t it??

Oh my; I need all my good karma.

Author’s note- this little note is based on true events and my attitude towards love is based on all the samples that I have seen and personally heard about. Don’t you dare judge me.