The Proclamation

Boys are stupid

2011-06-21T23:02:00.000-07:00

Meredith: It's not us. It's them. Them and their stupid boy...penises. They didn't tell me they have a wife. They gave absolutely no warning that they were going to break up with you.
Cristina: It's not that Burke broke up with me. It's how he broke up with me. Like it was business. Like it was a business trans- Like he was the boss of me!
Meredith: He is the boss of you.
Cristina: What's worse is that I care.
Meredith: Ugh I'm going to throw up again. [Gets up and kneels over the toilet] No. Wait. False alarm.
Cristina: The problem is estrogen.
Meredith: No, the problem is tequila.
Cristina: You know I used to be all business and then he goes and gets me pregnant.
Meredith: With his stupid boy penis.
Cristina: Now I’m having hormone surges. He ruined me. I'm ruined! He turned me into this... fat, stupid, pregnant girl. Who cares! Estrogen!
Meredith: Penises. Penises, Izzie.
Cristina: Estrogen, George.

Reel to Real Love

2011-05-26T10:01:00.000-07:00

I know that I am a late entry into the celebrated club of Jake Ryan... But better late than never right. I was mesmerized and well a little cynical as well about the existence of such a man in the world as we live in now. I would like to believe and hope that there will be someone as nice (when he calls up Samantha's house for the first time and asks to converse with her briefly...lush!), keeps the sexuality test to himself and doesn't pass it around or worse upload it on the Internet (which would happen before the bell rang) and thirdly, he got her undies back! Aww...

So this fictional and devilishly dream boy made me think of all the boys who I have fallen in love with while watching them claim their love for their ladies in such lovely, witty, romantic, mumbling, unsure, insistent and grand gestures like holding the boom box over their head :-).

I scoured, looking for my lover through the fog and found a lit of my favorite couples on this blog I came across. She happens to have the same list as mine baring just one, yes that is right, Edward is not my fictional dream boat. But the others yes!

http://chelseaandbrian.blogspot.com/2010/06/list-fifteen-favorite-tvmovie-couples.html

That's the link to go to. I say this as a girl who doesn't let herself dream about the fictional hero, who would find her and woo her with his witty reparte, and they would then live the kind of life the girl eventually shares with her boy; crazy in love with life and with each other and blessed and happily as they are and can be. But dream ahead...

Hope springs eternal and I shall find mine (fingers crossed )the Pacey to my Joey :-)
Xoxo

I Tell Myself

2011-02-04T00:10:00.000-08:00

Say that I'm changed
Say I'm different
Maybe I finally understand
Say I've let go
Say that it's obvious
I tell myself over and over
And over and over again

I'm ready I'm ready
I'm ready to believe

Tell me I'm strong
Tell me I'm weak
Tell me I'll never, never bend
Tell me I'm fire
Tell me I'm cold
Cold I tell myself over and
Over and over again

I'm ready I'm ready
I'm ready to believe

'Cuz I want to feel my heart
Yes I want to feel my heart
Yeah I want to feel feel feel my heart

So tell me I'm strong
Tell me I'm weak
Tell me I'll never understand
Oh, but I'm ready
I'm ready I'm ready to believe

Girls of Riyadh

2010-09-12T11:19:00.000-07:00

So, I finally read this book eons after I had spontaneously purchased it from a airport bookstall. I would like to begin by mentioning that books purchased at the airports, usually never quite live up to the book image and the blurb that are part of the packaging content.

The book, Girls of Riyadh, pretty much stumbles upon the same stereotypical adversities the girls of Middle East have to face when it comes to marrying the man they love or their attempts in finding the one who would love them with the same fervour as they do.

It has the corny jokes, the political tensions, the rules of a stagnant society, stuck in an era of their ancestors as they try valiantly to hold on to their roots while their off-springs remove the 'veil' of the past from the face, after a successful struggle.

What is different in this book that I have read about contemporary thinking women in the Middle East is that for every mother of Gamrah there is a mother of Uri, for every Firas, there is a Tariq.

But, what gets my goat is that, all these stories, have the same story line. Which makes me think is there not a story coming from the middle east buy a woman, who does not wish to write about the difficulty of searching, and falling in love.

We get it that is extra difficult to fall in love in a country where 'love' itself as a concept is banned and is allowed only if it to be expressed to Allah. But to wax on about it for the entire book, does get a bit tedious.

And the comparison to the SATC series, is sheer absurdity. Those women, were stereotypes, not crusaders to make women sit up and demand their rights around the world. To give them a status more than that of excellent actors is ridiculous.

The author, cheats on the concept of the SATC inspired book. The series focused on the physical needs of women, expressing their needs, the emotional needs came in after the series achieved popularity all over the world, which is when its downfall began.

Women around the world, baring the west, don not talk about their physical needs, and to advertise your book as the first of its kind from the middle east, I would say 'Blah'.

Read the book, if and only if, there aren't any good magazines to purchase.

100 Truths that I found about me!

2010-09-11T13:32:00.000-07:00

LAST TIMES…
1. Last beverage: Sprite over ice cube
2. Last phone call: Masi
3. Last text message: Rajshree (updating me about her shifting plans)
4. Last song you listened to: Masterplan - Oasis
5. Last time you cried: hmmm... honestly can't remember..which is a good thing I believe.

HAVE YOU EVER...

6. Dated someone twice: Haha..never make the same mistake twice
7. Been cheated on? : Yeah
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? :yes...ugh!
9. Lost someone special? No...
10. Been depressed? : oh..depressed/dejected/denied/devastated..several times..
11. Been drunk and threw up?.. yes and still haven't recovered.

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Green
13. Dark Brick Red
14. White
15. Grey

FIRSTS :
16. Made new friends: Building/school
17. Fallen out of love: not yet fallen in it... ;)
18. Laughed until you cried: There have been so many of them..., but can't recollect the first one...
19. Met someone who changed you: They all want to mother me..is that the same?
20. Found out who your true friends were: some in time, some not in time.
21. Found out someone was talking about you: haha... it surprises me that they do :-p

HAVE YOU:

22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Yes
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: baring an odd few, all of them
24. How many kids do you want to have: twin girls/boys
25. Do you have any pets: I had, my pet turtle, Michaelangelo the II
26. Do you want to change your name: NO! I love it, it defines me :-)
27. What did you do for your last birthday: A real low low low key affair.
28.What time did you wake up today : 9.45 am
29. What were you doing at midnight last night: having the clove stick
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for : Post-graduating!!
31. Last time you saw your father: Just before I started typing this
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i could go back in the past and correct a few things... apologize to some...and kill some others...
33. Most visited web page: FML/Blogger/Wikkipedia/DailyMail/Sidereel/Google

WHAT'S YOUR :

34. Name: Moshita Prajapati
35. Nicknames: Mosh, Moshi, Moshu, Mo5, M, Kishi, Butterfly, Padmavati, Bhajirao, Moshquito, Moshit...
36. Zodiac sign: Virgo
37. Male or female or transgender : Female
38. Elementary: JB Vachha High School for Parsi Girls
39. Colleges: SIES/Khalsa
40. Hair color: Black with brown highlights au natural
41. Long or short: short, but a valiant effort is under-way to grow it long
42. Height: 5.9"
43. Do you have a crush on someone? Sadly no, I haven't found any
44. Ever been in love? Don't think so... too young to appreciate and understand it
45. Piercings? one in each ear
46. Tattoos? two, one on the inner left ankle and the other on the upper right shoulder blade
47. Righty or lefty: Righty
48. First surgery: NA
49. First piercing: My ears when i was a kid
50. First best friend: Nidhi Punja
51. First sport you loved: Skating...is it a sport
52. First pet : Turtle
53. First vacation: Dubai...when it was still nice! :-)
54. First concert: Bryan Adams
55. First crush : Julian from the Famous Five/Arjun a childhood friend
56. Eating: lost appetite around four this afternoon. Haven't found it as yet :-(
57. Drinking : water
58. I'm about to: this is getting tedious
59. Listening to: a song in my head...gal meethi meethi bol from Aisha
60. Waiting for: Christmas? No, September 30th actually

YOUR FUTURE

61. Want kids?.. yes... but, a trial run with a puppy first... a beagle!
62. Want to get married? uumm..... I know I have to...
63. Careers in mind? Editor in a publishing house, and if to be exact... a children's books editor/Translator

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

64. Lips or eyes: Mischievous eyes/Intellectual eyes/soulful eyes
65. Hugs or kisses: ? each preceding the other
66. Shorter or taller: Taller...shorter doesn't work...
67. Older or Younger: older
68. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneously Romantic!!
69. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice arms
70. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
71. Hook-up or relationship: I tried the earlier one, so its time for Relationships
72. Trouble maker or hesitant: hmm.... a mix maybe

HAVE YOU EVER :
73. Kissed a stranger: Well not after kissing :-p
74. Lost glasses/contacts: Lost count!!
76. Broken some one's heart: Yeah... I have broken hearts... not a good thing
77. Had your own heart broken: Yes, karma is a bitch.
78. Been arrested: Never ever going to happen, been warned by the police though :-p
79. Turned someone down: Yeah....
80. Cried when someone died: Not in initially, but later when the shock went away.
81. Liked a friend that is a boy? Yep

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: Not all the time.
82. Miracles: do occur
83. God: is there...somewhere...watching...
84. Love at first sight: PUHLEASE!
85. Heaven: Nope
86. Santa Claus: I am not a 5 year old you know,
87. Kiss on the first date? Hmmm... on the cheek?
88. Angels: They are there to keep the Devils in line
89. Devils: They are there to keep the Angels in line

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

90. Is there one person you want to be with right now? ummmm...no not really
91. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Yes...it shall never happen again!
92. Wanted to kill someone ever? Oh yes!! shoot with an intention of not to kill, then bury them neck deep near the sea during low tide... wait... that would lead to their death.. so yeah.. I guess..:-p
93. Among your blog mates, whom would you like to kiss? Whats a blog-mate???
94. Committed a blunder and regretted later? Lost count
95. Wanted to steal you friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? : Nah.

ASSOCIATE WITH SOMETHING YOU WEAR :

96. White: pearls
97. Black: jeans
98. Red: lipstick
99. Pink: nailpolish
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? under pressure....YES!

Happy Birthday Mum

2010-07-14T12:02:00.001-07:00

Today is the birthday of a woman who comes from a long line of the most bravest and resilient women I have had a chance to know on a deeper and personal level. My mum.
Today is also the day when I was to officially graduate my MA in International Journalism. But fate intervened and I was told by email that my dissertation was not approved and hence I would be graduating next year. I am sure and certain that there was a reason for this to happen.
This belief comes from one of the numerous lessons my mum has taught me about life.
My dissertation helped me secure my three month editorial internship at Random House India where I was told that I am apt for this field. My current job at the German Book Office which organises the worlds most famous book fair ie. is the Frankfurt Book Fair involves co-ordinating a children's book festival. I was hired because my dissertation which reflects my interest in children's book and publishing. This dissertation and what it has got me so far is now helping me get a job in a company I plan to work for in the coming months. I thank the lord and my mum for supporting me in my belief that this dissertation is what I wanted to write about. Even when I was told that it does not make sense by my supervisor, you said go ahead and show her what you want to write.
I did and sadly we know what happened.

My birthday gift for you this year would be to work at the company I am feverently praying, hoping and wishing for and tell you with a smile on my face that your daughter is now a permanent employee and she has the worlds coolest job and would like to thank her dearest mother for understanding and supporting her in being who she wants to be.
Love you loads ma!
X

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2010-06-23T11:45:00.001-07:00

In our lives as single women, on the search of a the perfect man and then to become HIS perfect woman, we look at women in our lives who are comfortable in their relationship with their men.
What exactly is the cause of that comfort level, that respect which ensures a smooth relationship that defines myriad bouts of frequent temper, sole choice control and the reason for the utter devotion that would even shame a catholic!
A complete understanding of emotional blackmailing mixed with equal parts of complete surrender of your self in recognition of HIM.
Is this what I am supposed to transform myself to after I have found the man I am most compatible with. According to my D-bua YES. She not only has merged her identity with her husband, but is also programming her daughter-in-law to do the same. With her transformation underway, she has now set her eyes on me, the Bombay Girl who is in her house for three months. She has all the time in the world to fill my head with thoughts of what a woman's place in a marriage is to be like and how my manner of speaking, behaving and expression of thought should be curtailed because it doesn't suit the tempers of her GOD like male species in her house.
What she doesn't realise is that her 'wise words' reek of hypocrisy and the exhibition of the relationship between her daughter-in-law and her son, is reason enough for me to smirk at her every time she starts to talk about how nice it is they are happy because of her advice.
I may not be as 'happy' as them, but I assure you that mutual respect will occupy the top position in my relationship with my future husband along with love, trust and fidelity.
And I think we shall be alright even though my husband will have to put up with my independence and mood swings and thoughts because he chose me as his because of them :-)
X

No Sleep Tonight

2010-06-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

I lay still on the bed, not even struggling. Just lying motionless on the mattress that I had laid down, directly under the fan, a necessity that would ensure a comfortable sleep from the Delhi summer heat at night.

Little did I know that it wasn't the heat that was going to keep me tossing all night, but rather the usual over speeding of thoughts that ran through my mind now, uninhibited and unstoppable.

There were thoughts of failure, what constitutes failing, what if people found out, then of society, my thoughts about society and people who judge(they can stick their views and opinions up their a#*!!), then just people, of finding the ideal boy, then right boy, then of friends, the close ones, the discrimination we make between our friends, then family, and how much family has done for me, and what I have done for family which bought me back to what I am doing now(waiting for a interview call !!) and this brings us back to the whole 'I hope I can live up to the expectations of me and my family, which leads us rightly back to 'what if I don't = failure.

No sleep tonight. (Damn it!!!)

Checking

2010-05-23T01:12:00.000-07:00

'You wasted Life , why won't you waste the afterlife'

2010-05-21T04:40:00.000-07:00

There present among the six billion souls are people whose souls are darkened beyond black. It is a reflection of their thoughts and feelings, that slants more towards, jealosuy, envy, anger, masochistic, sadist, greedy, and selfishness than any villan that you have either read about or seen acting out their malicious thoughts on the halpless protagonist.

There is person I know, whose soul unfortunately is black. I cannot say this now with surety, but I am assured beyond belief that the shade that was once a dark grey, like the dark clouds that crowd the sky during the monsoon season, is now a shade of black, the colour of the midnight sky in the interiors of a forest seen from an abandoned path.

What fazes me is that this does not faze the person. The chinese whispers games that were a part of the idylic, nostalgic innocent filled childhood, has been unfortunately used as a apprentice in the grand scheme of things that not only destroy any peace and serenity that people had achieved once again after banishing this dark presence from their life, but also rather unfortunately brings back the repressed and supressed thoughts and feelings which were best meant to be forgotten.

I quite don't know what to say when a person you have been trying to bar from entering your own private enclosure despite repeated warnings and denials. I am supposed to feel flattered or just hounded by a merciless beast that thinks that this a game, wherein the thrill lies not only in chase but also in the catching of the prey(me).

You had your chance, you had your time, you screwed up that time. Anything that you have said, not said, done or not done is nothing but a painful reminder of the dark soul that you were and are.

You have a chance to renew, but no what do you , you instead resort back to your old favourite game, Chinese whispers, but this time with new participants and boy aren't you getting better with age.

You still wish for me to be a audience to your life. But why in the world would I want that, even to be an audience in your afterlife would be a punishment, since so far you wasted your life, and I am quite sure that you shall be wasting your after life as well.

Table for One

2010-05-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

The worst thing about celebrating your success is to find that there is no one you can celebrate it with. The felicity of having gotten what you have dreamt, wished and worked towards ever since you realised your calling is just over and beyond mountains happiness.
I was asked to assist my boss, Anirban to edit this book 'The Golden Sacrifice'. Its the Mahabharat from Arjun's point of view. The sheer disbelief and excitement that followed was 'WOW' this is what I had hoped to do when I started my internship her at Random House India and it has finally happened. Though it is the last month of my internship but then hey better late than never right.
But, there wasn't anyone to celebrate it here, no hugs no bear hugs no kisses and pats on the back. All I received from my foster family was the lukewarm and very stoic reaction of 'badiya'. Bless their soul, that is really nice of them, damn but I missed the my family and friends in Bombay. Telling them the good news over the phone and email is not exactly the same on the scale of happiness had it been face to face.
So I celebrated it by myself. My table for one, where books and chocolates were enough for a dinner conversation for my Bombay family who made it in that tiny table that I had booked in honour of my celebration.
It wasn't all that fun as how long can you manage to hold a conversation in your head where you are the only person who is physically present there :-p
But, its okay. Its alright, because I believe every success story big or small should be celebrated with the same zeal that was invested by you when you were trying your very best to achieve it.
So go out, with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. With your most flirty dress and shoes that would want to make a man bow down in front of you. Even if you have to tell the waiter as you enter the restaurant "table for one".
The time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T00:27:00.000-07:00

Me and my Mum at the movies.
The time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted

Friends

2010-05-08T09:07:00.000-07:00

They are my working week and my Sunday rest,
I have to say from around the world I have the best.
Who love me even when I am all moody and distant,
Without them my life would be over in an instant.

Purple Vidya and yellow Shradha thank you so very much for being in this world and finding me and being the perfect friends that anyone could ever ask for.
The time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted

The page is blank

2010-05-08T00:04:00.000-07:00

I have observed that when you finally get what you have toiled to achieve after a few sweating moments, you have no clue as to what to do with it then.
You either rush through with the sweet success of victory and savour the delicious feeling of achievement or it becomes such a surreal moment you feel sort of cheated with the sense of victory. The worst is when you realise that the whole process wasn't as tough and confusing as finding the beginning of a single spaghetti in a full bowl, rather more like finding a black olive in a garden salad.
There is also the 'Chasing Car' Syndrome as bought to my attention when I was a watching an interview of Gary Lightbody. For the uninitiated he is the lead singer of the alt band Snow Patrol and one of their famous song is Chasing Cars. When asked about the meaning, Gary alluded the phrase to his dad, who mentioned that Gary was like a dog chasing a car when it came to girls. A dog chases a car without the intention of knowing what to do with it once it stops. It stops its chase and barking as soon as the car has slowed down.
According to Gary's dad, that is how Gary was when he came to girls, he would chase them, but when they fell for him, he wouldn't know what to do and would chase another girl.
So, in theory, we all like the thrill of the chase more than achieving the target. Once we get that, our mind becomes a blank page, waiting for someone to write something new for us to chase #
The time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted

Testing 1-2-3

2010-05-07T23:40:00.000-07:00

Hello hello... mail to blogger post checking. #
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

OK Go - This Too Shall Pass - Rube Goldberg Machine version - Official

2010-05-04T03:30:00.000-07:00

The end of the show song!!

2010-02-04T00:16:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVT9Cv_EUbw#

2010-02-04T00:12:00.001-08:00

Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

2009-06-22T05:51:00.001-07:00

It is purely frustrating to realise that we are define by the opputunities both; the ones we have grabbed with both our hands and the ones we have let gone off.

I would rank up high there, with letting tons of oppurtunities just fly me by especially when it hits you late in your life that you should have done that. What also hurts is that while you are sititng and obviously annoyed at the lack of oppurtunitites that come your way(partly y fault for letting so man go), you see complete imbeciles get your dream job, or see them living your dream life, just becuase they have the money and the contacts!!

ARGHH!! It is purely vent, a feeling that has come full circle if I go by the first post that I worte since I came here. I guess This country is done and time to move on accpet the truth like a mature, grown up, level headed person should.

But the impulsive and ultra sensitive and prone ot depression soul within me might not get over that so easily!

C'est La Vie

The Question

2009-06-20T15:09:00.000-07:00

And all at once

I knew at once
I knew he needed me.
Until the say I die I wonder why
I knew he needed me
It could be fantasy or maybe it's because...
He needs me
He needs me
He needs me
He needs me
He needs me
He needs me!

I first came across these lyrics as they played in the background of an advertisment for a product I can't seem to recall. But from the entire ad, what I have remembered are these lyrics, short and simple they may be, but they somewhow touched on the early notions of the beginnings of love that a woman(really do not picture a man thinking aloud these thoughts) would start to experience in her courtship. Dresses in white, watching comically as her husband begins to rush around the house, searching for his his mobile, car keys, briefcase, documents and blah.

Throughout his frantic search, she calmy points out all the paraphernalia that needs for his office with a serene look and a mona lisa smile on her face.

All this while, these words just flow on in the ad film and well.. this whole frame just remained as a mental movie in my mind. The song drove me crazy because I couldn't find it anywhere.

Sort of like finding love. We all have these notions of What love is like, the feeling of being in love and being loved back in return by the one we want and desire. To each to its own.

I waited, searched, forgot, looked, found it and lost it with a blink of an eye, fell for a lie, took a leap of faith, rose against society and brains, wanted it, got it, but didn't know what do to with it, dreamt of it all, just in the name of LOVE.

Maybe, this could be interpreted as a sign, as an understanding, that you will eventually achieve it.

As a wise man once said,

Ask, and you will be given.

Seek and you will find

- Matthew 7:7

ALL I am saying is "There is someone out there, who is also doing his best to get to you as fast as poosible so that you too can some day, hum those lyrics in your head and also wonder how you knew he/she needed you"

Cheers and good luck!

Forgive and Forget?

2009-04-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

When you are in a realtionship... friends or otherwise, when it ends on a bad note, when is it the appropriate time to talk to them again?

I mean in this day and age of six degrees of seperation, there is bound to someone soul who through no fault of his own is going to be in the same circle as a person from your past.

What are you supposed to do then?

I mean is the right thing in this day and age to forgive and forget that person's indescretion. Just remember all the good times and forget the muck.

I am the kind who does forgive, but I don't forget, or rather I can't forget. So, I always maintained that rule when ending any relationship, it works well.. for me atleast.

But, then, I see people around hanging out and mingling socially with people they swore were the worst of mankind everywhere.

So, does that mean they have forgiven and forgotten their black deeds?

Does that make me a stubborn person who sticks to their iron resolute and refuses to always look back to her past, prefering to be alone than even consider the idea of picking up the phone or even adding them on FB.

Or does that make me stupid?

Can you ever forgive and forget a person?

forgive maybe, but forget???

How does that work?

Say you have forgiven the person for their fault? But could actually ever forget the mistake they had committed.

How much deep in love would you have to be to have your eyes closed to everything they did.

Can anyone truly forgive and forget?

Another day, another book, another library

2009-02-14T12:49:00.000-08:00

I have a literature review submission, 3000 words (I have two words so far, "Literarute Review") and the deadline is 9.30 am on Monday, 16th of February 2009.

Now, never having ever in my life forced to against my will, write something that I really didn't believe in or even show the remotest inclination for, I find really hard to forget even feigning interest. It is just plain torture, having to read score and scores of scoholar written by some frustrated prick, who you know did it just so he could one day put you down and make you feel like a complete dumb when you picked his books up from those shleves full of intimidating names and book covers.

As if, the pretencious cover, along with the font and the 'fabulous must read for every one interested in this____ field, you have these thoughtful souls that decided to complicate things by underlining some lines in the text.

There you are, this poor, naive soul, student... picking up the book, based on instinct or on the classmark of your list. You open the book with some hope, hoping, that it be easy to read and understand and some hopefully with some pictures or atleast with some funny underlining in the text. My y how gullible are we???

There you are, stuck with this tome, wondering , why and what made you choose this topic. A sudden inflaming of overriding recognition and connection doesn't necessarily always have to translate into something that would last you a good 7 months or so... tch tch

The underlined texts are of course the ones your eye catches and your brain goes into overdrive and starts reading it outloud, praying taht , you just got your summary.

Well, 99% that text was underlined just so you would read it. there is absolutely nothing in that text that is in anyway boad or narrowly related to your topic!

Just wanted to make a point here, things at first glance, aren't the things you are searching for to derive some meaning from it.

123

2009-01-13T19:30:00.000-08:00

"I went to Tesco's that day, and bought this bottle of wine. The cashier at the till, he didn't ask for my age proof. I look old." - She is 25 years old, and she lives opposite me.

"When I went to Tesco one evening, the cashier at the till asked for idetification because, well; a I was buying a bottle of wine. All the three employees present there started to have a discussion whether they should let me buy the bottle because I didn't have any id with me at that time.Two of them thought that I was underage and the emaingin one thought I was above the 21 age limit,. I am 24, and they thought I was below 21, I mean that is so hilarious!. - She is a room-mate.

Everyone has their own take on life's jokes

its pure vent and nothing else, so please ignore it

2008-10-13T09:59:00.000-07:00

Ever feel left out even in a room full of people you know and don't know. Been a part of a group for a project but actually feel more like an intruder or a lone ranger than anything else.
It's like they all know the answers to the six honest men, but you are still just managing to find your foot and trying to keep it off the grass.
The forced politeness, I still haven't grasped or understood that concept. I hope to though.
The quizzical look on their face when you try to communicate with them, the zero effort on their part to even rememebr your name, its not that dificult once you actually try to make the effort to remember it, like I have for your's.
The surprise noise and shock and awe on finding out that none of their preconieved notions and prejudices were true(i'll grant them some though), whereas all my worst fears have come true.
They rattle me like no one has ever rattled me before.
Maybe I have given a hasty judgement in my kangaroo court, or maybe it's just me.(god I hope not, hehe)

"Brave New World"

2008-09-19T14:54:00.000-07:00

Here is how it goes, when all is said and done back at home, you leave the place and cross the sea to find a new world. The new world... full of its rules and strangers, beckons you with such great promises, expectations, and most importantly, a new lease, a wave of fresh air.

No matter how scared, no

matter how lost, or how disoriented you are, the new beginning, is just what you need, to discover yourself, your strnghts and weakness, your good and bad and the worst...

The brave new world, its there, everyone has teh ship, with the mast up and sail flying in the wind.

You are the master of your fate, the captain of your ship, you just have to drop anchor, thats all.

Timing is Everything

2008-07-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

Ever had the feeling that you were the only person in the world who was going through some major crisis and nobody else was going through it. I used to know a lot of people like that, I called them narcissists.
Bout two weeks ago, roughly, I mean who's counting the days!! I felt like that. Now I know what you all are thinking, I am not like them(DB swear). But, i was just worried about not getting a seat in the train leaving with all my future plans which I tried and worked so hard on. I felt as I was the only one waiting, a feeling experienced by the population.
But then, today, a realisation came upon me. I was at this seminar and well ,there many like me, who were also playing the waiting game I like was. So, i wasn't the only lazy one or the sacred one there. Sure, there were others who had gone through the finer details of every document twice or thrice over, but there were others like me who stilll didn't have all their documents. That gave me so much comfort!!!
What I realised from this is this... you can't rush things. You really can't because what I realised was that there is a time and place for everything.

2008-07-14T02:11:00.002-07:00

Where does all this end?

This whole journey that we are a part of. Born to tread on the already carved, mapped and laid out path. The signs are missing and directions are a plenty. Roadblocks are a natural to the path, with smooth open roads present after every.
You strike up mutual admiration with fellow travelers, some stick with you till the very end, others take a different path, some lead you down the easy path, others, bring you back to the hard path, the right one. Many will smile when they want to froen at you, others will smile with only you around.
At the red signal you wait, to observe the going-ons around you. To just sit atill and watch. These signals are rare, enjoy the moment.
After eons of walking time, understanding, loving, hating, enjoying, grieving etc. you come to your pit stop. Thinking it to be the end of all. But, oh how wrong you are?
It doesn’t end here. It doesn’t anywhere. It continues. You might not be alive anymore, but life moves on. You cease to exist in your physical form of course. But you will still live on, in forms of memories, in photos, videos, letters, incidents, traditions, momentos. But more importantly you continue your journey in the hearts and minds of your loved ones. You live on forever, in a way of course.
All this, never ends.

The Bitter Pill

2008-07-14T02:11:00.001-07:00

There are certain instances in life from which the hurt thrust upon you, you want to feel it. No matter how painful it is. That feeling which at best can’t be described, is also always very difficult for people to share. For me, it is more embarrassing then difficult, because there are these certain perceptions which people have of me, and I somehow feel the responsibility of upholding it. (lame?)
Talking about the problem will help you figure it out and rid of it in a way. That’s what friends are for. To help you get out of a problematic quicksand one pull at a time.
But, I want to feel the hurt, the pain. Almost hear my heart crack a little, grasping with the fact that my mind’s gone numb with the news, coming to terms with the realization that no matter how much you love, trust and care about the person, it’s of no use to think about then if they do not feel the same way about you.
The betrayal small or big) makes us realize that, it hurts yes, but. At least the truth is out in the open. And the truth, what they say about it is true, it hurts like hell.

People Always Leave

2008-07-14T01:45:00.000-07:00

People always leave. They have to I think. People come into our lives with an expiry date. Isn’t it always good to enjoy the thing before its expiration date. Because later on, it becomes disgusting, the whole relationship just sees to be dragging, there only for its namesake and nothing else.
Once they leave, they don’t take anything with them and go. They leave it all behind for us to sieve through it, to separate the happy from the sad, the angry from the joy, the rubbish from the gold. We finally, after a lot of thought-provoking actions and reactions realize that, ‘whatever happens, happens for the good’.
We get back into the chaos of things, make new connections, establish trust, life becomes all rainbows and sunshine for us again with new friends. Then the f**k-up happens, the people who left or where thrown out, now want back in.
There you are standing in the middle of time being pulled both towards the future and the past. Which one is it? How do you know that the step taken is being taken in the right direction?

White Night

2008-07-14T01:40:00.000-07:00

How can you miss something when it does not even belong to you? It wasn’t mine or anyone else’s to begin with. It was just there. A glance which became a moment frozen for eternity in the deep recess of my mind. A moment in which everything is forgotten but everything is remembered. Emotions breaking like the waves, sweeping you off your feet (figuratively speaking of course). The myriad of emotions contrast each other like ‘Yes’ and ‘No’.
The moon at 12:47 am on 4th of May was painfully beautiful. The glow which surrounded it, made it seem all soft and pure. But untouchable and unreal at the same time. It’s dreamlike hypnotic rays drew me in its glow. I felt like an angel sitting under its effervescent glow. Gazing at it made everything seem worthwhile.
It made me wan to cry and smile at the same time.
I could have passed eternity with you, but like all good things, it disappeared away with time. And that hurt. It hurt because I knew I couldn’t see the same moon again. My moon as I know it, had gone. Its moment in my life over.
There will of course be more, many actually, not countable. But one will compare to this.
Sounds stupid, but. Stupid is as a stupid does.
I’ll tell you why it made me happy, because at that moment in time, that image of the moon became more than an image. It became an memory of something which made you smile when everything else which belonged to you made you frown.
I miss my painfully beautiful moon and that one tiny star located to its left diagonally.

I Think We Should Be Strangers

2008-07-14T01:33:00.000-07:00

I still don’t get it why some people have this inane desire and need to know what is happening in my life.
The good is not handled well by them at all, every change is dissected till nothing is left, every decision is being gossiped about, every step is marked and followed by a close and keen eye, every word remembered to be thrown back at every opportunity presented with, every new relationship questioned.
What gets under my skin is that ‘If I am not poking my nose in your affairs, then why are you poking you Aquarian noses in my life. I am not even remotely interested in yours. But you still want to know. Why??!!

My friend reasoned, “Curiosity”. I snap back, “When will it kill them?”

Playing the Waiting Game

2008-05-31T04:12:00.000-07:00

Apparently it's been a long time since my last post, and well the few that read are questionning my lack of words on the web portal.

When I was a kid, I would enjoy this game called 'Stuck in the Rut'. I mean you all know the game so.. i am not bothering with the rules. I used to love that game because when touched, I was immobile, I couldn't move a muscle until someone touched me again and freed me. I would take that time to rest from the hectic nonsense running away from the denner that would happen in course of a game so... yeah.

Well, the thing is that is exactly where I am right now. I am stuck.. in a rut. Just stuck, with absolutely nothing to do. Its like the waiting period now. the seeds have all been sown, and I am now just waiting for them to reap I guess.

And let me tell you something, it sucks! So much that maybe even the known power of the black hole might just fail in its comparrison with it. To just sit and wait for your future to start churning its wheels with you having nothing more to contribute can really put any one with some amount of grey matter in their head out of their normalcy pretty much easily.

Life becomes like one of those monotonous 9 to 5 jobs, where every action of yours is timed so accurately by the clock, that depending on the action performed, you can tell the time of the day. Days of the week are known by the shows being shown on television(sad really... I know). I have been watching those really lame ass programmes on the Disney Channel sic Hannah Montanna( by god that girl is irritating,!!), Life with Derek (which is kinda of funny)Even watched half an hour of High School Musical 2!!. It was then, I realised, that I am truly truly bored beyond my wildest belief and as bored as I can ever be.But's all I can do now, just wait... wait for life to begin again, for the messiness, the troubles, the fun, the laughter, the roller coaster ride and everything thrown in between.

And it's not like I am doing nothing. Because it's quite impossible to do nothing because if you are doing nothing, you will eventually be called for something which will lead you to do that something and well... then you are actually doing everything that you were called for, so yeah...

Makes Sense

2008-04-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

"Life is one long insane trip. Some people just have better directions." - Donnie Darko

Funeral Blues

2008-04-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

I was watching the movie, Four Weddings and a Funeral.( effing hilarious by the way. I reccomend to everyone that it has to be watched. it can sure brighten up your day. british comedy at its best). anyways i was suppoed to be umm.. *studying*.. anyways, there is a funeral scene (yup) and this character in a form of a eulogy, recites this poem by Auden, and I mean I was completely blown away. I mean the poem literaaly speaks from the heart of the griever, trying to convey to world that you'll will never know the true meaning of the word loss unless of course you have experienced it yourself(not necessarily death here okay..). Because Loss has to be felt, you can't read about it or talk about it or whatever.

I just thought I should share it you with those very very few people who visit my blog to read my thoughts (invasion of privacy!!!!!, I know my rights, yes I do. Its a topic in Press Laws and Ethics. See i was studying then...). anyways, here is this poem, read and smile or weep whichever you fancy, all I will say is it will soo make you think...

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

Thanks For The Memories

2008-04-03T06:59:00.000-07:00

You know when suddenly something was a major part of your life is gone, you feel this big gaping void just weighing empty on your head and heart. You do not know what to do with it, so you just stare at it blankly day after day, waiting for something to come and fill it up. But, if you belong to that club of over-achievers, then it is just anothere void to be filled with your countless gold varnished trophies.
I do not sound to a hypocrite and all, but I couldn't just wait for my college years to end you know. I mean, yeah it had the good times and all but now, well its over... and I'm missing it. The college phase of my life is slowly but surely and steadily getting over and I.... do not know what to do about it. the poem (a few lines scribbled and picked from here and there) in a way sums up exactly how I feel. My college life is over.. as I know.

Remember how freely we laughed,

how quietly we screamed.

how fearlessly we jumped, hopped and skipped,
how we loved without a doubt and thought.
how we swore together and forever,
in joys and wrath.
how easily we bled,
how quickly we get back up.
how we sang and danced for the public
how we hid from those who mattered.
how we'd defend for those who thought we were lost,
how we'd hug anyone who fit the need,
and love was seriously scattered and shared all over the creed.
let's remeber the first time for the last time.
because its not coming again for...

There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.
- Shakespeare

2008-03-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.

I bow before you Mr. Nathaniel Hawthorne, in all respect and admiration for no truer words have been spoken before!!!

"Oh I'm sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?"

2008-03-18T08:51:00.000-07:00

Do not ask me to elaborate on this quote, because I guess that would be opening the door to the public just a bit too much.
All, I can is. This quote actually expressed all the emotions I felt and I'm glad that it came to me.

The One

2008-03-14T09:07:00.000-07:00

There are at this moment 6,79,37,36,978 people in the world. Now I am not a people person. I need my space and I value my independence fiercely. All I need is 1. from that 6 billion options, all I really need is 1. the one whom I will love and cherish forever and always. the feelings will definetly be mutual ofcourse(fingers crossed). But that one is all I or you need.
Just one, to have to call as mine. 1

2008-03-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

John Steinbeck once wrote “It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live for our death brings no pleasure on the world."

You've Got to go There To Come Back

2008-03-14T09:01:00.000-07:00

John Steinbeck once wrote “What a frightening thing the human is, a mass of gauges and dials and registers, and we can read only a few and those perhaps not accurately.”

My three years of studying, will come to an end on 12th of April 2008. what I have learned on this three year trip is what John Steinbeck wrote, holds true in every sense of the word. To have gone through a roller coaster ride for 833 days, and to truly understand every word written by him, is not a shocking revelation. It is more like an acceptance of everything that has occurred. An immediate understanding of all the events which left you perplexed and confounded, seem answered by the quote.
College years, if I would call mine those, are more about learning the ins and out of human behaviour than actually the bookish knowledge that is etched in our brains by monotonous and mundane voice of our esteemed professors. You constantly find your own kind in a large group, someone who shares your interest, thoughts, ideas, but more importantly, someone who shares your fears, insecurities.
Then out of darkness that suddenly creeps on to you, things start to haywire. Signals are misread and a warning called MIS_COMMUNICATION is put up along with MISUNDERSTANDING.
Reason and patience take a backseat during these times. Emotions are running high. Swears and oaths are being. Old alliances are forgotten and new ones are formed on the pattern of either of revenge or loneliness.
Mine becomes mine? You’ll becomes mine?

Confusion reigns supreme.

Thoughts scattered along with feelings are slowly picked up one by one. Scattered so far and away that picking them up along the way, you start to wonder is it worth all the back and bowing that I m doing?
You look up for confirmation and you realize that the person you knew and for whom you are doing all the work, the effort to make things go back to the way we were, is not there.

Steinbeck once wrote “What a frightening thing the human is, a mass of gauges and dials and registers, and we can read only a few and those perhaps not accurately.”

And if you belong to that group of people blessed by the guy sitting up there, then you actually find them, on the floor with you helping you in picking up what you have scattered of yourself.

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall, Who is That I See

2008-03-14T08:59:00.000-07:00

Have you ever looked into the mirror to just have a stranger stare right back at you? Where has this person, who looks remarkably like you, come from?
The person you see in the mirror is nothing but just a mere reflection of what you can be or not. To look at yourself without any bias, and to analyse your actions in the most critical way possible, conveys a sense of strong meaning to yourself. To stay and fight instead of turning back, is the most bravest act of human kind. To fight your battles wisely with brains and not brawns is something rare among mankind.
To realize that along with your reflection in a glass pane or a window, is one among the millions living on this planet. Glimpsing their reflections while they run scared, as they toil to do good selflessly, try to fight evil with all the hope and faith they can garner, trying to figure where the next step will they them. Some just trying to live upto their expectations, some… just struggling to live their life.
Have you ever looked into the mirror to just have a complete stranger stare right back at you?
Where did this person come from?
I have a theory. The person was always there inside of you. It lay hidden like a sure but powerful force. It emerged when you were challenged with something you had never experienced before. The inner strength as you may call it. The stranger you see, is just the new you, someone you will recognize if only open your eyes and see.

Time Won't Let Me Go!

2008-03-10T09:28:00.000-07:00

ever tried running away from your past. It's not easy is it?. The way at times, the moment you least expect it, it sneaks on you like a long lost friend you wished you had rather not made aquaintance with in the past. Like the sudden blanket of darkness which envelopes you when the electricity goes away abruptly. I mean for a few seconds, you are paralysed(admit it people!!!). Then the brain releases the adrenalin and you begin, searching in the darkness, groping your way through the inky black atmosphere, to catch and hold on to whatever you can, trying not to trip and fall, or embarass yourself. Your every sense on red alert, your ears strained to limit to shriek or hide at the slight possibility of any sound.
I mean that's what I experience, when I suddenly see my past just land, *Here I am* with the whole Chershire Cat grin!!.
I am not embarrased about my past(just one thing though. I'm not mentioning it because I really do not want to even remotely remember that year, ugh!!). I believe my mistakes and the fact that I have learned from them have made me the person that I am today. and truth be told, I love the ME that I'm now. Agreed I still have a long way to go in becoming whom I am supposed to be, but the product so far is fantabulous according to my friends(although my crictics would pounce on this).
What I mean to say is, the past will never ever completely go away. It just stays hidden for a while, like how lies do. And then , it comes out, just like that for no reason sane enough to understand. But, its okay. The past is what defines you, mdoels you into your present which sets the standards for the future you.

What Me Worry? - Anne Clark

2008-03-05T07:54:00.000-08:00

Have I fooled you, dear?
The time is coming near when I'll give you my hand and I'll say,
"It's been grand, but... I'm out of here
I'm out of here"

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

2008-03-05T06:08:00.000-08:00

They say there are some connections in life you make that are so strong and deep, that time and space have no impact on them whatsoever.
I had that with a friend whom I call 'nair'. She's mentioned in one of t he previous blogs. I had stopped talking to her for a reason quite honestly unknown. We then kinda drifted apart after both sides shed tears and a lot of time thinking 'what the hell just happened?'.
then after a year, at my ex's b'day party, after i consumed a two drinks and she one, i asked her outright, "Why did you stop talking to me?", she replied, "I stopped talking to you because you stopped talking to me". I retorted sort of angrily, that "I stopped talking to you because you first stopped talking to me that's why".
after this rather enlightening conversation (i m sure the drinks played a very important role in this), we just laughed like two crazy convicts from a mental asylum and hugged each other to rather astonished and bemused crowd of our friends.
this IV"S, we bonded more than before. I would like to believe that crossing that river near Jim Corbett was like a metaphor about us, leaving the bank of kiddish thoughts and wading through knee deep cold cold water and shreiking when our feet touched those slime covered stones and gushing water current to the othere side of matureness. Being adult enough to forgive and forget and realise it doesn't matter who stopped talking to who first. but rather what matters is the fact that, both started to talk to each other at the same time.
like Navjot our common friend quoted when she saw both of us in the middle of the river figuring the most least slime covered stone to put our feet on, " I saw both of you'll together and I was like, okay... both the free spirited adventure junkies are together. Only laughter can follow now."

people wonder, how come two friends who didn't speak to each other for an entire one year, sudenly hug and talk like nothing ever transpired in those 365 days that they missed.

I smile and so does she, because, its one of those quiet things that no one ever will understand or rather knows. :-)

hey nair, here's to more happy and sad days for our friendship

"My Favorite Mistake"

2008-03-04T01:44:00.000-08:00

This is not an ode to my mistake. It's my bitter sweet friendship cum love story with this boy as I call him, because thats the maturity level that he has. Certain lyrics in the song say it all(along with some other songs as well). anyways its kinda of surprising that songs can actually mean what you exactly want to say to a person with the same passion that you want them to know so... its win win for me
the guy found out that I call him this, "My Favourite Mistake" that hurts him and I ...

"My Favorite Mistake"

I woke up and called this morning
The tone of your voice was a warning
That you don't care for me anymore
I made up the bed we sleep in
I looked at the clock when you creep in
It's 6 a.m. and I'm alone

[Chorus:]
Did you know when you go
It's the perfect ending
To the bad day I was just beginning
When you go all I know is
You're my favorite mistake

Your friends are sorry for me
They watch you pretend to adore me
But I'm no fool to this game
here comes your secret lover
She'd be unlike any other
Until your guilt goes up in flames
[Chorus:]
Did you know when you go
It's the perfect ending
To the bad day I'd gotten used to spending
When you go all I know is
You're my favorite mistake
You're my favorite mistake

Well maybe nothin' lasts forever
Even when you stay together
I don't need forever after
It's your laughter won't let me go
So I'm holding on this way

Did you know, could you tell
You were the only one
That I ever loved
Now everything's so wrong
Did you see me walking by?
Did it ever make you cry?
You're my favorite mistake
You're my favorite mistake
You're my favorite mistake

"What Have I Done to Deserve This?"

2008-03-04T01:29:00.000-08:00

I asked my self this question repeatedly after a going through an extremely painful and devasting break up.
The answer, it still eludes me to this day. I mean all I did was Love this boy back who loved or loves(?) me. That was all I did.
I believe in the adage that 'whatever happens, always happens for the good, even thought we may not see it then. I went through all the requiste stages that one goes through, when one suffers a terrifying blow to the heart.
Denial, Anger, Bargainning, Depression and finally Acceptance.
Its a much faster process, when you have friends supporting you and showing you the freaking light at the end of the tunnel. who call him names to cheer you up. who promise to beat the shit out of him or screw his case, if tries anything or does anything(like following you with his eyes around the room) on you. (i love you guys!!! muah)

the answer to my question, i still haven't gotten it. So, I figured, might as well leave. if Maturity is absent in certain people then its not my problem, but theirs.

the messy love triangle can so go on without me now. I have better things to do in life. the bigger picture is what I m interested in. You both can literally f**k the shit out of each other, but don't you dare pull me into it again!!!

From a Whisper to a Scream

2007-08-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

I waiting for the day to hear the words "Bhadku I Love You" to take flight from a Whispher to a Scream.

Time Has Come Today

2007-08-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

There comes a time in every one's life where, they are standing at a crossroad. That is the worst place and the best place to be at in your life.

I was there a few weeks ago. Took a path, enjoyed the two day journey and then realised that it wasn't my path. So i did the right (atleast according to me) and broke away from the path.

Then to my complete atonishment, but not to my friends if I may add, this new path opened its way up for me. Took me by complete and unexpected surprise and led me down the path of love.

But there was checkpoint, where I had to pay a fine for walking down a path which was not mine in the first place. I paid for the fine dearly.

I agree, that the second path was not mine before. Hence the fine paid. Only after the fine was paid and registered for, did I continue down it.

I apologise for what happened, but I m Not apologising for the way the events occurred after the checkpoint.

There was No false trail.

Bring The Pain

2007-08-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

The past six weeks have been the most hellish, emotionally challenging, mind-numbingly painfull, confusing, claustrauphobic, self paralysing doubts, question filled, insecurity driven hours of my life!!!! I kid you not!!!

Kavi, my friend told me "make a fist with your hand Mosh. Thats how small, tiny our heart is. All the time all we give to it is stress, pain and all the sad mumbo jumbo which always invade our lives no matter how high and fortified the walls are. So for once, on your own accord, give the heart what it wants."

I listened to her. I gave the heart what it wants.

They know there is no future. We are not worried about it, for we do not even know what's going to happen tomorrow. We feel at times, a warm glow within ourselves when we are in one of our stolen moments "it feels for forever and always".

They say and he says "you will go away", I say "You will stop first" and "I might not live upto your expectations"

They also say, that you are doing the biggest mistake of your life.

It's okay, it's my mistake, he is or whatever tense "my favourite mistake", its my heart, it will blow up in my face, screw me only over, no one else will get affected.

The heart wants HIM now!!!

So Bring on the Pain On!!!

Question Everything??

2006-12-23T21:46:00.000-08:00

Oh! What a web we weave,

First we harness, then we decieve.

Everything around is a question mark; in big bold mark. it disappears for a moment, but sneaks up on you when you least expect it. It's not fair. This whole boredom shit leads you to question the most unnecessary (or necessary) things in life. You tend to see friends as enemies and enemies as friends. This is turn confuses both the categories and most importantly YOU.
But there is as they say, no matter how cliche it sounds, a light at the end of the long, winding, dark tunnel. For me the light is my grandma. I'm as I may say, running to her house to escape from this. You may say I am a coward. But I'm just to bored and scared to care. I love her and she loves me. Its Unconditional love. Period. You all can go to hell for all I care.
Adios

You've Worn Me Down

2006-12-18T22:56:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'm being too demanding,wanting to know what's happening in the life of my friend. i don't want to know all the things, but I surely would think that I have some rights as a friend to demand to know what the problem is if there is one. when asked, the reply is "You wouldn't understand". then f-ing make me understand, I'm more than willing to spend an entire day with you to know and understand what you are going through. But if you only refuse to tell me then what am I supposed to do.
Yes it does hurt when you confide in someone else, but it in a bigger picture it doesn't matter because the my priority is that you find the solution to your problem. You probably cannot tell me that particular problem because you feel I might not respond the way you want or just... see I don't know what to do now as well since I don't know what the problem is. There is something off, I can't put my finger on it, but you certainly worn me down. trust me, I m not saying all this I want to be like golden boy or DQ ( i.e them wanting attention et all). I'm just worried about you lately, and instead of you letting me help you, you just let grow this gigantasoraus size of a wall, and have completely blocked me. No problem, because I think you yourself have no idea what the problem is and haven't as yet identified it as we have. Or maybe, according to you there is no problem as such. You find nothing wrong in what you do. Accepted, but then I'm very sure that there are certain limitations and restrictions which one needs to follow. YOur entire world that you know off cannot all be wrng now can it?. And I know you don't care what the world thinks. Wake up and smell the coffee, you have to care atleast 3% of the world thinks about you. It doesn't work any other way. You are not someone special.
So maybe when you finally realise it ( the sooner the better) we are here. But I'm not going to come to you and ask you what the problem is anymore. I will not even bring up the issuse. Matter of fact, according to me it never occured and you can very well do what the hell you want to do. And if you feel like it, then keep me informed. And please I beg of you do not give me feeble excuses such as " I boarded the Kurla train by mistake". That was the lowest of the low. If you do not want to state the reason very well fine. Just say " I can't tell you" . Finished. Because I will understand that you some doubts over it or me and so...I won't give it second thoughts.
This is the last advice or talk I'm going to give you over this topic. You are playing with the real emotions of two people over here. One is a friend, the other I don't know, but I do feel sad for him as well.( I'm not kidding). If as you say " There is nothing going on between either of us", well stop giving them even the smallest of hints that something will happen in near future. And if you again are going to respond to this with your trademark answer "You won't understand", then help me understand, because that is what I'm here for. And if you feel "No, I can't because you won't understand" then, may God be with.

Until the next crisis

2006-12-13T21:38:00.000-08:00

floating high above the world in my bubble
i look around and see my kind.
trapped in the maze of peer pressure alike
forcing ourselves to like our dislikes.

Life, it isn't supposed to be this hard.

saying the words they want to hear
seeing the things we want to see
hearing only what we want to hear.

then you'll come along
a sent arrow knowing full well
its aim and target.
one hears this voice
"hello!!!"

the prick has made its presence felt.

you say the words you want to say
see the things you don't want to see
hear the things you know you don't want to listen

I thank you for being there my friends.
until the next crisis

I love you guys

P.S. there no pic of navjot(f) so i' m mentioning you.

Navjot

Into Dust

2006-12-02T01:32:00.000-08:00

I was at my friends house, and all of us(there were 6 of us including me) were just sitting around and hanging out as we tend to do when we are with friends.I... I don't know what happened but it hit me like a lightning bolt from out of the blue. there i was, solving the Mid-day crossword( I love it!!!) when I felt out of place. Physicaly yes because I wasn't in Bombay anymore but, mentally I felt lost. Just imagine, a room full of your friends, there's food, music's playing aand suddenly you can't help but realise the fact that " I don't belong here". Feeling alone with your friends. It pulls at your heart and completely strains your mind, which makes you mind f-ed for about a day or two and you want to just go away because can't bear that feeling anymore. And then you start to wonder, "Is it me?" or "Is it them?". You don't want to know the answer anyways.

MAybe it was a bad phase that I was going through. It would eventually go away.

I saw my bond completely scatter and turn into dust right in front of me. It scared the shit out of me. So, I just picked up my bag, spoke to them over the phone ( they had gonne out to get stuff) tell them bye and then I left, to actually feel lost and alone among hordes of strangers that I meet everywhere I go. The feeling was just the same. Nothing new.
The most striking part about this entire incident, I didn't feel an ounce of guilt doing what I did to them. Shame on me.

Save Me

2006-11-11T23:20:00.000-08:00

I felt I was drowning in the vast and deep ocean of my thoughts which were God alone knows connected to what and to whom.Considering the previous entry which mentioned the problem of over thinking, I felt pretty stupid, so like I had suggested, I stopped thinking and well... it worked. And now i thought it would be nice if i shared this wonderful song with whoever is actually reading this tripe, but its a good song, strikes a chord within you. Its by Jem and called "save Me"

Save me save me save me wooh
I've gotta stop my mind
Working overtime
It's driving me insane
It will not let me live
Always so negative
It's become my enemy
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
save me ah wooh
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
save me ah wooh
Why would I think such things
Crazy thoughts have quick wings
Gaining momentum fast
One minute I am fine
The next I've lost my mind
To a fake fantasy
And none of these thoughts are real
So why is it that I feel
So cut up and so bad
I need to take control
Coz my mind is on a roll
And it isn't listening to me
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
save me ah wooh[thinking and thinking]
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
save me ah wooh[thinking and thinking]
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the dumbest of them all
Insecurities keep growing
Wasted energies are flowing
Anger, pain and sadness beckon
Panic sets in in a second
Be aware it's just your mind
And you can stop it anytime
Save me ah ah save me ah ahsave me ah wooh[thinking and thinking]
Save me ah ah save me ah ahsave me ah wooh[thinking and thinking]
Ok so here we go
If it works I'll let you know
One two three I say stop

From the Town of Boredom - Population:1

2006-11-11T22:10:00.000-08:00

"I'm the fortune's fool"

I'm mind f-ed since yesterday for reasons unknown to me. Nothing Tragic actually happened, wasn't denied anything mind numbingly important which would have shook the very foundations ( which are very weak now a days) of my bleak present life. Then why was I getting mind fucked? All things bright and beautiful were being sucked into a black hole, and all i could do was just stand and stare at what was transpiring.
When you are bored, ( being mind fucked, eventually sooner or later leads the "chosen one" to the wonderful town of boredom) everything loses its appeal, the magic as we grudgingly accept is gone.
Eg. the tiles in my bathroom are very colourful. Now when I'm happy i see the glow of yellow, the vividness of the colour red clashing with the clamness of blue but agreeing with the soothing effect of the green. Now, when i m mind f-ed i just stare at it, acquicesed to its existence in my life.

P.S. Anyone and Everyone is welcome to the town of boredom. there is no permission or visa stamp required.

Just a Ride ??? ?????

2006-11-11T02:57:00.000-08:00

Our lives are a lot like the lift rides we take. Just as the Great Jagger says “you can’t always get what you want” in life. You never somehow always get your desired lift, the one which is relatively empty, with just enough people but, still plenty of breathing space and you go directly to your desired floor.

Alas!!! If it were only so easy.

Life like I have said before is very similar to a lift ride. You have your ups and downs ( pun unintended) , unscheduled and often surprising or usually aggravating stops which make you question the entire f-ing life cycle, the occasional recreational halts( I breathe a sigh of release at these stops, and thank the lord and karma for them). But the worst stop occurs when, you are stuck in the rut, the buzz in your life is gone (as in case of the lift, the electricity is gone). If you have noticed, this stop loves you a lot when you are above the age of 18 and there suddenly a lot more floors you can go to.

Whatever be the case, we are always waiting in the lobby of the world, in our given time, hoping against hope for that arrow to be shown in our favour.

Astrologers and palmists are of the opinion that the palms of our hands with those crooked or straight lines are very symbolic. (Go figure). The left one indicates the stuff (destiny or fate, I don’t know the difference. The dictionary just confused me) that we were born to fulfill and the right one the indicates our karma.

Now, I may not guarantee the complete fulfillment of destiny or fate (I need to know the difference), but I can assure you one thing, earning karma is not that difficult. Once you start believing in it, and understanding it, it becomes very easy. Life somehow seems a bit brighter, everything seems a bit brighter. It works both ways and it rocks. Trust, karma works when and where everything else fails.

Think About It

2006-11-11T02:54:00.000-08:00

Think About It 1^st of November 2006

It’s about 12.45 am in the morning. Sleep seems to evade me as I lay in my bed, my head resting on the pillow at a very awkward and a rather painful position (because I’d put cream in ears) which is putting a strain on my neck.( I think this is where the term, ‘ a pain in the neck’ originated from. The author too must be in this position to say something like this). My mind surprisingly is keen on wandering into the “gosh where did this come from” category of thoughts. So… like I am, I let it. Can’t sleep might as well have some form of entertainment right!!

Staring at the ceiling, by the glow of the stars I had stuck on it, I see the mundane vision of my current bleak present. I wished or rather thought that how good would it feel if the ceiling collapsed and smashed my head into smithereens. (I know dark morbid thoughts, but just go with the flow please)

Then it suddenly struck me, why should I be thinking of such thoughts. Life was pretty pleasant; vacations going on, high in studies and college life, friends are still there? Then why was I thinking of thoughts of such painful ilk.

Why do we keep on putting ourselves in such aggravating and mind f-ing positions which definitely and always test out levels of patience (that too not kindly enough). Please don’t tell me it helps in building character, I know it does but there has to be some other way, much better than what we make ourselves go through.

Why??? Why do we think so much? Why have we stopped listening to our hearts or even stopped acting on our instincts. Do you even remember the last time you listened to your intuition?

We waste so much precious time thinking over minute irrelevant problems which don’t even affect us that much and even more time over the complex ones which we wish would just disappear.( like those witches do, their problems just disappear in a puff of smoke. Damn I should have been a witch). We think about FOOD (that’s justifiable, its food), friends, love, death, taxes…. The list just goes on and on and on.

After deep pondering, delving into the deep recess of the human mind where no man has gone before (I always wanted to say that), I’ll tell you why we think so much; because when we stop thinking for just a moment and just go with the flow, with no seconds thoughts and do that one act totally on instinct or because we want to do it, it feels so good.

Society Demands & We Accept

2006-11-11T02:50:00.000-08:00

Society Demands & We Accept 25^th October 2006

I write about it with deep contempt in my mind and heart. My immense dislike for it stems from the various events which I have been fortunate or unfortunate to witness in its name. Maybe in the years gone by it was innocent, true even pure and often associated with bliss or say even craziness and madness of the first order.

Now it seems to me, it is commercialized, an opportunity for obtaining revenge or experiencing for the sake of it, deflowering it of its true pure meaning, or because society demands it and we accept it.

I have no trust or faith in it. But someone told me during those rare moments of emotional breakdowns (during exams especially). She said, “I’m not worried for you nor should you be. For, in the near future (??) you will fall and start to believe in it when you are ready for it. I just know it”.

When that day arrives, I will look towards HIM and say or rather sarcastically ask one of the following phrases

Why???!!!
You have got to be kidding me!!!
You, karma and the various constituents of the universe are conspiring against me!!!

There could also be other relevant and perhaps witty and sarcastic comments to be said, but I wouldn’t know because my mind or rather my brain at that point (being in love and all that) would be royally and definitely muddled up and confused beyond recognition.

“Love will come its just waiting for me and for you”.

Scary isn’t it??

Oh my; I need all my good karma.

Author’s note- this little note is based on true events and my attitude towards love is based on all the samples that I have seen and personally heard about. Don’t you dare judge me.